Blessed Risks

I am very blessed. I have an amazing husband who has a good job and who treats me like a queen. I have two beautiful girls, Belle and Emily, one by adoption and one by birth. And now I have a son, Hendrick.

My pregnancy with my son was challenging, both physically -- due to severe morning sickness -- and emotionally due to the roller coaster of medical testing. When I was thirteen weeks into my pregnancy, my husband and I met with a perinatologist for genetic testing due to my "advanced maternal age" of 38. The ultrasound and blood work showed a 1 in 9 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome. Repeated testing at 16 weeks and an ultrasound at 18 weeks raised that risk to a 1 in 2 chance. Then, a further ultrasound at 22 weeks showed a strong heart and facial features not in common with Down Syndrome. What to do? I declined an amnio, due to the risk of miscarriage and because his condition, whether Downs or not, wasn't worth losing the baby. He's my son, not a risk.

At 35 weeks, another ultrasound showed that Hendrick had slowed down significantly in growth, and I was placed on hospital bed rest. A week later, my beautiful boy was delivered via C-section weighing in the 5 pound range and breathing on his own. Minutes after his birth, while he was peeing all over the nurses and crying, a labor nurse came to me and said, "He looks perfect." She went on to say that he didn't look like he had Down Syndrome. I knew she meant it as a comfort, but I didn't understand why she felt she needed to say that. Didn't she know I would love him no matter what.

He does have Down Syndrome (DS), as we learned later that day. But, in my mind, he is still perfect. He has an extra 21st chromosome in every cell, perfectly aligned. He has cute little ears, and darling toes, with an extra space after his big toe just like many children with DS.

And he has the most beautiful eyes. Many people tell me how cute he looks, how blue his eyes are. Little Almond Eyes.

I can't imagine life will always be easy raising a child with special needs. Raising any child has its amazing moments and times of utter exhaustion and frustration. But right now, Hendrick is a baby like any other, and I'm so glad I have him.